This may be blasphemous, but my mom said I could post it since no one reads my blog anyway.
Preface: Mom, Sam and I went to the mall today. This was not like shopping with your friends because Mom was sickly-tired and Sam...is a boy. This being the case, they literally went into one store and proceeded to the Food Court to wait for me. I promised to make a quick trip to just Forever 21, which as you well know can be no shorter than 30 minutes.
About 20 minutes into my shopping, I receive a text from the contact Sam Roweton...
: "Get ur fat birthday butt back to sam and sue" - GOD
ME: God? I have your number in my phone as Sam? Can you forgive me Lord?
GOD: Sam let me barow his phone he is so cool right and also i will not forgive u unless u get back to sam and sue ps - deer mary plz just admit u cheated on me this is kinda getting out of hand - joseph
(Guess God's not big on spelling...since he invented language and all. Also, I guess Joseph wanted me to relay the message? Not sure there.)
ME: Hahaha :) Awesome. I'm going to pop in Vicky's Secret and then I'll head your way!
GOD: Head sams way i wouldnt get any thing to reveeling in there i dislike skanks
ME: :) Yes Lord. I shan't even look at the panties.
GOD: Alright cool hey i hear ur turning 21 is this true
(Like God wouldn't KNOW.)
ME: Yes Father...
GOD: Get totally wasted bro
These are the small delights I take in my daily life. And they are so delightful.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
A Little Thing Called Christmas
Yesterday, I was fidgety at work for the entire 9 hour shift. It was Christmas Eve and I was helping Last-Minute Lorie find her son a Packers jersey or a Jets hat or "anything with the Blues, besides this hat". Which we DO NOT HAVE by the way. My boss Brent, graciously let us leave without properly recovering apparel as is normally done. I was glad to be gone. I had packed my car full of luggage, gifts and crafts (requiring a proper craft room) that morning, so I popped in my sing-along CD and hopped on I-70.
A speedy two hours later I am honking the horn as I pull down our long gravel driveway. I burst through the door and am greeted by a hungry family, waiting for me to start dinner. Strangely enough, our Christmas Eve tradition is fondue. There are three courses to this meal, including: cheese dip--with veggies and bread, oil--with chicken, steak and crab leg, and chocolate dip--with strawberries, cheesecake, kiwi, marshmallows and angle food cake. It's absolutely glorious and actually quite filling. We took a break between the oil and chocolate dip to do gifts among siblings and to parents. After the food and gifts were done, we settled down to watch Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World...first fondue, and now this un-Christmasy movie? What kind of shindig are those Roweton's putting on?!
I woke Christmas morning to Sam crawling into my bed. He can only stand to snuggle for a minute before he shakes me and says, "Alright, let's do presents." Ten minutes later, I'm on the couch demanding coffee. Stockings are always my favorite part. What's not to love about a bunch of little gifts? It's glorious: body spray, lip gloss, eyeshadow, hair accessories, CHOCOLATE TURTLES, nail polish, a tumbler and panties. The big gifts are great too of course. I finally got my new kicks that I have been anxiously awaiting since I bought them a month ago and sold them back to mom to give to me. I'm psyched about my blazzzzer. I know I'm late in getting one, but I'm in on the style now so please notice how fly I look when I wear in on New Year's Eve. Power and Light won't know what hit 'em. Also a new watch, a lovely lace dress, skrilla (it means money, it's a new thing I'm trying) among other things. But it's not the gifts that make Christmas so special, it's the time spent with family...which is why I'm huddled up alone in my room right now.
After we do the Christmas thing here, we go to Grandma's and do it all over again with significantly more people in a significantly smaller space. The food was delicious as usual and the conversation was good, as always, with the Morgan boys and Tyler. After eating, we all loaded up and went to take a family picture in front of the Court House. If you were one of the cars passing by at one today, I imagine your thoughts were something like: For God's sake, those Roweton's think they run this town showing up here on Christmas for everyone to see and taking their picture in front of the [insert foul language here] courthouse of Bolivar like they own the place. And yes, that IS how we feel about it.
We returned to grandma's house and then headed back to our home shortly after. It was at this point that the family split to do their own Christmas celebrating in the form of excessive television/movie viewing. I have decided to take on David Lynch tonight in watching Blue Velvet and Eraserhead. Both have required a THOROUGH Wikipedia reading after watching. I do not understand these movies...but I watch them...and pretend to be cooler than I am. Of the three I have seen, Mulholland Drive is my preferred David Lynch film (that's the best way to sound like a pompous asshole by the way, calling them "films" instead of "movies"). I watched it in my Film Studies class last year and even got a second viewing out of the deal in order to write a paper on the symbolism present in the film.
My final rankings are as follows:
Mulholland Drive ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆
It's the most normal of the list, which isn't saying a lot, and I am even able to make a few unstable connections between ideas throughout the film. I like the story (even with the lesbianism) and found it very entertaining.
Blue Velvet ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
Weird, but doable. I didn't like it as much as Mulholland Drive, but perhaps with a classroom of film majors and a knowledgeable professor, I might find it more interesting.
Eraserhead ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
No. No. No. Get out of here. This movie was WHACK. My brain hurts from having watched it and I haven't even read the Wikipedia page about it. You couldn't pay me to watch this movie again (that is a lie, I am cheap as hell and you could pay me very little to do most things).
Needless to say, it has been another strange Roweton Christmas. But that's how we roll. It's the little things like singing grungy-rock songs about grandma's house, being the only family to pose in the funny picture, coordinating our outfits according to the J. Crew color scheme this season, failing to fondue-fry crab legs and resorting to the microwave and appeasing mom when she wants to read aloud about John Cusack from Sex, Drugs and Coco Puffs. We kind of love each other I guess and I kind of miss being around them when I'm off in Columbia.
A speedy two hours later I am honking the horn as I pull down our long gravel driveway. I burst through the door and am greeted by a hungry family, waiting for me to start dinner. Strangely enough, our Christmas Eve tradition is fondue. There are three courses to this meal, including: cheese dip--with veggies and bread, oil--with chicken, steak and crab leg, and chocolate dip--with strawberries, cheesecake, kiwi, marshmallows and angle food cake. It's absolutely glorious and actually quite filling. We took a break between the oil and chocolate dip to do gifts among siblings and to parents. After the food and gifts were done, we settled down to watch Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World...first fondue, and now this un-Christmasy movie? What kind of shindig are those Roweton's putting on?!
I woke Christmas morning to Sam crawling into my bed. He can only stand to snuggle for a minute before he shakes me and says, "Alright, let's do presents." Ten minutes later, I'm on the couch demanding coffee. Stockings are always my favorite part. What's not to love about a bunch of little gifts? It's glorious: body spray, lip gloss, eyeshadow, hair accessories, CHOCOLATE TURTLES, nail polish, a tumbler and panties. The big gifts are great too of course. I finally got my new kicks that I have been anxiously awaiting since I bought them a month ago and sold them back to mom to give to me. I'm psyched about my blazzzzer. I know I'm late in getting one, but I'm in on the style now so please notice how fly I look when I wear in on New Year's Eve. Power and Light won't know what hit 'em. Also a new watch, a lovely lace dress, skrilla (it means money, it's a new thing I'm trying) among other things. But it's not the gifts that make Christmas so special, it's the time spent with family...which is why I'm huddled up alone in my room right now.
After we do the Christmas thing here, we go to Grandma's and do it all over again with significantly more people in a significantly smaller space. The food was delicious as usual and the conversation was good, as always, with the Morgan boys and Tyler. After eating, we all loaded up and went to take a family picture in front of the Court House. If you were one of the cars passing by at one today, I imagine your thoughts were something like: For God's sake, those Roweton's think they run this town showing up here on Christmas for everyone to see and taking their picture in front of the [insert foul language here] courthouse of Bolivar like they own the place. And yes, that IS how we feel about it.
We returned to grandma's house and then headed back to our home shortly after. It was at this point that the family split to do their own Christmas celebrating in the form of excessive television/movie viewing. I have decided to take on David Lynch tonight in watching Blue Velvet and Eraserhead. Both have required a THOROUGH Wikipedia reading after watching. I do not understand these movies...but I watch them...and pretend to be cooler than I am. Of the three I have seen, Mulholland Drive is my preferred David Lynch film (that's the best way to sound like a pompous asshole by the way, calling them "films" instead of "movies"). I watched it in my Film Studies class last year and even got a second viewing out of the deal in order to write a paper on the symbolism present in the film.
My final rankings are as follows:
Mulholland Drive ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆
It's the most normal of the list, which isn't saying a lot, and I am even able to make a few unstable connections between ideas throughout the film. I like the story (even with the lesbianism) and found it very entertaining.
Blue Velvet ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆
Weird, but doable. I didn't like it as much as Mulholland Drive, but perhaps with a classroom of film majors and a knowledgeable professor, I might find it more interesting.
Eraserhead ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
No. No. No. Get out of here. This movie was WHACK. My brain hurts from having watched it and I haven't even read the Wikipedia page about it. You couldn't pay me to watch this movie again (that is a lie, I am cheap as hell and you could pay me very little to do most things).
Needless to say, it has been another strange Roweton Christmas. But that's how we roll. It's the little things like singing grungy-rock songs about grandma's house, being the only family to pose in the funny picture, coordinating our outfits according to the J. Crew color scheme this season, failing to fondue-fry crab legs and resorting to the microwave and appeasing mom when she wants to read aloud about John Cusack from Sex, Drugs and Coco Puffs. We kind of love each other I guess and I kind of miss being around them when I'm off in Columbia.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
How Beer Saved the World
So here's a thing.
I opened the Netflix Instant Watch homepage today and chose the first thing I saw: "How Beer Saved the World". I seem to be either really lucky or terribly unfortunate at randomly picking documentaries, but I got lucky this time. It's interesting, historical, a little comedic AND it's about beer. So that's neat. I'll give you the three-part videos so you can watch it:
...or if you'd rather, you can skim the list below to see all the wonderful things beer has done for the world:
1. Started the Industrial Revolution.
2. Invented writing and math.
3. Built the pyramids.
4. Treat diseases and ailments.
5. Keeping Medieval Europeans alive.
6. Funded the church.
7. Spearhead of modern capitalism.
8. Helped establish America.
9. Introduced the Tavern as the social network of the day.
10. Inspired the American Revolution.
11. Was the basis of modern medicine.
12. Developed the refrigeration system.
13. Actually invented the production line (sorry 'boutcha Henry Ford).
14. Ended child labor.
15. Could be used as the official yardstick of human history...
And there's that.
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
- Ben Franklin
I opened the Netflix Instant Watch homepage today and chose the first thing I saw: "How Beer Saved the World". I seem to be either really lucky or terribly unfortunate at randomly picking documentaries, but I got lucky this time. It's interesting, historical, a little comedic AND it's about beer. So that's neat. I'll give you the three-part videos so you can watch it:
...or if you'd rather, you can skim the list below to see all the wonderful things beer has done for the world:
1. Started the Industrial Revolution.
2. Invented writing and math.
3. Built the pyramids.
4. Treat diseases and ailments.
5. Keeping Medieval Europeans alive.
6. Funded the church.
7. Spearhead of modern capitalism.
8. Helped establish America.
9. Introduced the Tavern as the social network of the day.
10. Inspired the American Revolution.
11. Was the basis of modern medicine.
12. Developed the refrigeration system.
13. Actually invented the production line (sorry 'boutcha Henry Ford).
14. Ended child labor.
15. Could be used as the official yardstick of human history...
And there's that.
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
- Ben Franklin
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Back to Blogging.
Here I am: new blog host, new name, same self-obsessed, black and white photos. This is the blog I left behind...
My New Year's Blog Resolutions are as follows:
1. Ramble less.
2. Post at least once a week.
3. Be interesting.
4. Be interested.
5. Improve my writing skills (erhm...spell words correctly).
6. Never stop making lists.
I follow very few blogs, which is selfish I suppose. To expect others to care about the small things I have to say, when I can't both to do the same. I do check in on my mother's blog somewhat regularly. It keeps me in the loop of what my family is doing without me. And though I can never cook like Emilie, I like to dream of devouring the treats she posts on her blog. From Emilie on the east coast to post Ricky's blog on the west coast, I've got the country covered. Though Ricky does not post often.
Since Pinterest happened in my life, I have come to discover some great blogs. For style, I love The Daybook and home design, Camilla at Home (though it's all in German), Design Sponge and the Nesting Place. I have yet to find a crafting blog that just blows me away, but I am always on the look out for others. I'd like to find a great music blog as well, because I'm not so great at staying up with what is new in my favorite genres.
Well. Like I said, ramble less. So, I will leave you here.
Welcome back to blogging folks.
My New Year's Blog Resolutions are as follows:
1. Ramble less.
2. Post at least once a week.
3. Be interesting.
4. Be interested.
5. Improve my writing skills (erhm...spell words correctly).
6. Never stop making lists.
I follow very few blogs, which is selfish I suppose. To expect others to care about the small things I have to say, when I can't both to do the same. I do check in on my mother's blog somewhat regularly. It keeps me in the loop of what my family is doing without me. And though I can never cook like Emilie, I like to dream of devouring the treats she posts on her blog. From Emilie on the east coast to post Ricky's blog on the west coast, I've got the country covered. Though Ricky does not post often.
Since Pinterest happened in my life, I have come to discover some great blogs. For style, I love The Daybook and home design, Camilla at Home (though it's all in German), Design Sponge and the Nesting Place. I have yet to find a crafting blog that just blows me away, but I am always on the look out for others. I'd like to find a great music blog as well, because I'm not so great at staying up with what is new in my favorite genres.
Well. Like I said, ramble less. So, I will leave you here.
Welcome back to blogging folks.
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